Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I cockslap morals
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
