My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
