He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
