Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
