i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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