HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
