I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
