I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
