There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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