i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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