i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
soo... how was my night?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
