if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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