He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
