I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
