8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
