Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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