You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
