I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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