It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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