Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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