I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Found the puke drawer
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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