Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
