The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
