nut hugger
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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