Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
