guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
