Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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