Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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