Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
