I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
