dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
