The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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