She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
