You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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