shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
