I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
