Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
