We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
