yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
