Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
