my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
