i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
