The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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