when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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