So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
