break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I could make wine with my vomit
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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