so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
