i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
