She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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