guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
