Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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