Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
